DID U TOTALLY KNOW: If your workplace has a policy prohibiting your real name from appearing in borderline insulting poems that some moron writes for you on the internet, you can send that moron a note and go by your internet handle instead. That’s what our friend Omelet has done, although you can catch him (or her??) on the Discord server very often, usually schooling us all at online board games.
The only thing i will reveal (for the purposes of making this poem funny) is that Omelet is a fellow Canuck. But good luck finding him: it’s an enormous country. Geographically.
Double-Eh Seven
Super-secretive man of mystery:
Omelet.
Shadowy movements steering history:
Omelet.
Striped drinking straw that turns into a gun:
Omelet.
Kung fu knowledge is second to none:
Omelet.
♪ Heeee driiiiives a cool caaaaaaar
Aaaaand his paaaants can send faaaaxes
Heee laaaaacks annny SIN card
And doesnnn’t paaay taaaxes ♫
Has a fave cocktail he drinks all the time:
Omelet.
Fresca and rum with a half-twist of lime:
Omelet.
Mega-high sex drive and limitless stamina:
Omelet.
Incoming audit from Revenue Canada:
Omelet.
Remember: the government is only collecting money from you to frivolously WASTE IT on riduclous over-expenditures like roads and hospitals. If you think that money should go to me instead, tell me about it on the Discord server.
You don’t even have to be a backer to chat. But if you are, you have access to some seeeeecret channels that, in part, inspire idiotic poetry.
